Dreaming my way to your heart
by Chibiscuit
Summary: With the universe safe again, Jaster now struggles with something entirely different: his heart. He's set on keeping his feelings to him, but will he be able to keep that up? Zegram/Jaster


Just a little one-shot I wrote ages ago.(about 4 years now, I think) Since there are hardly any Rogue Galaxy fics on here, I thought I might as well upload it. Be warned that this is ZegramxJaster for reasons I for the life of me can't remember. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Rogue Galaxy, it belongs to Level 5 and Sony Computer Entertainment.

Dreaming my way to your heart

It had been some time now since they "rescued" Kisala. All the way to the palace of the new Mariglenn they went. Defeating countless guards, grabbing a surprised queen and high-tailing it outta there. At first she wasn't all that happy about being saved, but she came to realise that she knew she belonged on the Dorgenark, as a pirate and not on Mariglenn as a queen. 'Retrieving what is precious to us', that's what Dorgengoa called it. Jaster thought of Kisala as a friend, a very dear friend with whom he could talk and laugh, but nothing more, just a friend. If he weren't so dense then he would know that Kisala wanted more. But he didn't, not that it would change their relationship in any way if he did, 'cause Jaster's heart belonged someplace else. Even though he didn't want to accept himself at first, he finally gave in to his heart, his desires and dreams. And when he had accepted it he was in even more pain, not because of the fact that he was in love with a man but because he knew it was unrequited.

"Zegram..." Jaster sighed, staring at the bed above him.

Yep, Jaster Rogue, top hunter in the galaxy and descendant of the Star King was in love with the Lone Wolf Zegram, madly in love at that. At the moment, like at a lot of moments, he was thinking about him. He sighed again. He knew all too well that he stood no chance. He knew all too well he should just forget about him. He knew all too well that Zegram was as straight as a straight line. Ok, that might have been a stupid comparison but you get the picture. But Jaster also knew that his heart just didn't want to give up. After all, he had tried several times to return to Rosa and forget about him but every time he failed. And with a lousy excuse he had returned to the Dorgenark and to Zegram. Not that he was waiting for him with open arms of course. If that event were to occur, Jaster knew he would be waking up soon enough.

Jaster pulled the sheets off him and lied on them. The heat on Juraika was annoying and he really wished to go the liquor cellar where it was a little cooler and the air less pressing but he knew Zegram would be hanging around there so he decided to stay in his room, pretending to be sick. Dorgengoa, Kisala and Monsha went to visit Lilika. Zegram had refused; he still didn't trust the Burquakuans. Can't blame him, they did try to kill him with poisoned spears and Jaster believed they're the ones who gave Zegram that scar. He didn't feel like going but because she's still a friend he told Kisala he was sick. If he just refused Lilika might've been offended or she could come to the ship and attack him. She can be very violent at times.

The worst part of this whole love thing were the dreams. He hated them. Well actually he liked his dreams but he hated the fact that he had them. They seemed to get worse, in other words better, by the day, which made acting normally around him more difficult by the day. His subconscious must be in league with his heart. Both working against the rational part of his mind. Two against one just isn't fair and his mind is losing, big time. And the more he thinks about it, the more he's faced with the impossibility of it all, the more his despair grows and the more he feels like he's losing it. Raul told him that love is a wonderful thing but he didn't tell him it could hurt this much.

Jaster closed his eyes, his mind drifting back. Back to when they first were on Juraika. Back to when they were in the bushes watching Lilika and her sister Miri. Zegram had suddenly asked which one was more his type. The first thing that came to mind was "you" and he almost said it too. But luckily for him Kisala intervened before he said anything he might regret. At the time he just ignored the underlying message of his thoughts. Now he does understand and acknowledge it and he's beginning to wish he did spit it out. Zegram could have rejected him then and there and he might've been heartbroken for a while but he could get over it eventually. At least he would have clarification. Now you might be wondering why he doesn't have that now. Zegram loved and probably still loves that Jane woman, right? He's straight, right? So why doesn't Jaster have any clarification? Because of the ghost ship. When they were on their little detour trip in the ghost ship, they encountered another boy, which later turned out to be Dorgengoa in his younger years, but that's beside the matter. Jaster was quite impressed by his fighting skills and all and when the boy was gone he complemented him out loud. Then his conspiring heart and subconscious noticed something, something resembling jalousie, on Zegram's face. It seemed to reappear every time Jaster mentioned the boy. This tiny, to his rational mind unimportant, fact gave his heart hope.

Jaster turned a little on his bed and sighed again. The dreams were, as mentioned before, the worst part. The fact that Zegram slept in the same room as he did didn't really help either. He was lying just above him. Just like in his dreams, only there, there isn't any barrier of wood and mattress between them. Every time he wakes up from one of those dreams, he's disappointed because it was only a dream. If he hears Zegram breathe then he has to resist climbing up on his bed and sleeping with him. He'd tried to stay awake just so he didn't have to be faced with reality in the morning. But that only made him fall asleep during the day and he'd end up being frustrated. So he gave up on that plan.

The pressing heat made him sweaty, his clothes were sticking to his body and he was starting to smell horribly. Jaster decided to rid himself of his current state. He stood up, exited the room and went to the bathroom. He knocked on the door a couple of times and when there came no answer he entered. He undressed and threw his clothes in the dirty clothes basket in the corner of the room. He walked to the shower cabin and turned the knob. The water began flowing and Jaster stepped inside. His body shivered under the touch of the ice-cold water. But instead of listening to his body and walking out he stepped under water entirely. The water washed away his sweat, but not his thoughts. Thinking once again about his situation, he carefully rested his forehead against the tiled wall side of the shower. His mind was clouded with thoughts and scenarios. Most of which were not likely to happen and in which Zegram seemed highly out of character. He also thought of a so-called worst-case scenario, in which Zegram nearly kills him out of disgust. But he didn't think it would be that bad. How heartless could the container of the drigellum of love be? Jaster smiled a little at this thought but it soon turned sad as he remembered that that love was not for him.

Unbeknownst to him, he had begun to softly bang his head against the tiles as he was again confronted with the despair. It was beginning to take its toll on Jaster. He could handle fighting monsters; fighting an evil that turned out to be a lava-like liquid, he could handle time-stopped villages with dead mothers or a time shifting gate, he could handle being the descendant of the Star King but he could NOT handle this! Not anymore, it was too much...

Tears flowed down his face unnoticed, blending in perfectly with the water. The only evidence of his crying would be the somewhat saltier water in the drain and Jaster's red eyes. Jaster broke out of the spell of his thoughts when he felt something warm on his forehead. He touched it and looked at the hot, red liquid. Blood. He'd been banging his head harder and harder and hadn't noticed at all. Jaster decided that it was time to actually wash himself, so he grabbed some shampoo and started doing just that. He was done in a few minutes. As he got out of the cabin and dried himself with a towel he noticed that the entire room smelled of peaches. He also noticed he forgot to bring fresh clothes. When he was completely dry, he wound the towel around his waist and took something to disinfect his wound from the cabinet above the mirror. He cringed a little at the touch. He put some bandages over it and, after drying his hair some, covered it with his pirate bandana. He wouldn't want his friends asking what had happened.

He exited the bathroom and walked back toward his own room. Water dripping ever so often from his back hair ends. It might not seem that way but the shower really worked positively on his mood. He was quite happy now. Maybe he could go and visit Lilika after all. The transporters should get him there in no time. He could make up an excuse, something along the lines of a miraculous cure or something. Those Burquakuans believe in weirder stuff, they'll buy it. Happily he rounded the last corner and went to his door. Zegram was off his mind and he was still putting his excuse together when he had his hand on the doorknob. But with the doorknob turned his fate, be it in a good way or a bad depends on how you look at it. You see, at the same time that he pushed the door open; somebody inside the room pulled it open. Resulting in the falling of a very surprised Jaster on top of an equally surprised, you guessed it, Zegram. When Jaster realized what had happened and, more importantly, what position he was in, he started blushing fiercely. He got up as fast as he could without losing his towel, mumbled an excuse and left a very startled Zegram behind. He ran as fast as he could towards the toilet and stayed there.

* * *

><p>Jaster was standing on deck now. They had left Juraika and were now in mid-space. He still wondered how the globe surrounding the deck worked and why it didn't disappear when some monsters broke through. He had been meaning to ask but always forgot. It was a little too cold here to walk around with nothing but a towel but he had been too afraid to return to his room, lest Zegram be there. He had also done his best to avoid the rest. The Dorgenark would reach the Rose Nebula soon and Jaster didn't want to miss it. He was leaning on the edge and patiently waited. He didn't hear the approaching footsteps; he didn't notice the owner stopping next to him.<p>

"Yo Jaster. So this is where you're hiding, huh?"

Jaster jumped a little, he recognized the voice immediately. That low, sexy voice could only belong to one man.

"Hey Zegram." He hadn't heard what Zegram had actually said, so he didn't comment on it.

He forced himself to keep his eyes of Zegram but that proved to be very difficult. Suddenly Jaster felt watched. It was Zegram. Jaster suppressed a blush and was about to ask if something was wrong when Zegram spoke.

"How'd you hurt your head anyway?"

"You noticed, huh?"

"How couldn't I? You sorta pushed it in my face"

In an attempt to not blush, Jaster let out a nervous laugh. He wanted to smack his forehead for doing so 'cause Zegram was giving him a very weird look. While he was busy cursing in his head he felt a chill and shuddered. In a reflex he wrapped his arms around himself and tried to warm himself. Zegram took off his coat and walked over to Jaster.

"You cold?"

Jaster, still looking away, mumbled a response, which Zegram took as a yes. He carefully put his coat around Jaster, surprising said boy. He quickly turned his head towards Zegram, a little too fast as he could hear a little crack. The pain was left unfelt when he noticed how close the one-eyed pirate was. Jaster's personal space bubble was broken, big time. Zegram ignored the uncomfortable situation and started talking.

"Do you remember the conversation that took place at the end of my drigellum flash back scene?"

Jaster pretended to think, he actually knew, he remembered it very vividly, but he thought responding immediately and with great precision would be kinda weird.

"Umm... you told Jane you loved her and she said something about finding love again, right?" Jaster finally responded, doing his best not to look at Zegram's face.

"About right, I told her she was the first woman I ever loved"

Zegram stepped even closer but Jaster didn't notice, he was still processing Zegram's words.

"And about what she said...well, she was right."

Realization dawned on Jaster, his eyes widened and his head snapped, again too fast, towards Zegram, who was very close. Jaster's heart was beating like crazy, his mind was hazy and his voice seemed to have disappeared. He stuttered something incoherently. Zegram decided to relieve Jaster from his struggling and moved as close as physically possible, then he halted for a second, catching Jaster's eyes. He closed the distance between them, in a sweet and, surprisingly, soft kiss. Jaster's eyes shot wide open in surprise; his heart was going faster than light. But he soon relaxed and started kissing back. Next to them the Rose Nebula had appeared in full glory, its beautifully coloured light radiating in the darkness of outer space. Just like the Nebula brightens up space, so did their kiss brighten Jaster up. The dark clouds in his mind vanished; it felt a thousand times better than in his dreams. When the need for oxygen kicked in, Zegram pulled back a little and watched Jaster, waiting for a response. Said person stared at the pirate for a while, processing what had just happened before he spoke.

"How...how did you know?"

Zegram grinned a little and then moved his head forward till he was right next to Jaster's ear. Then he whispered.

"You talk in your sleep"

He backed off again and walked to the door. Before entering he turned around to look at Jaster, who still hadn't moved.

"Oh and you can give my coat back tonight"

If he could he would have winked but you know... anyway Zegram went below deck. Jaster just stared at where Zegram had stood a few seconds ago. A blush had formed at Zegram's parting words and Jaster swore that if this were a dream, he would be seriously depressed when he woke up. He shook his head to come back to his senses. He waited for a bit but he didn't seem to be waking up. To make sure he pinched himself in both his arms. He had never in his life been so happy to feel pain.

Another cold shill past by and Jaster pulled the coat closer to him. The warm touch of the fabric and the lessening pain in his arms made him smile. He briefly touched his lips and his smile grew.

It wasn't an illusion. It wasn't a fantasy. It wasn't a dream.

This was real.

* * *

><p>All reviews will be welcomed! If you spot any mistakes, feel free to let me know so I can correct them.<p>

Chibiscuit


End file.
